Family as a dream

 So, in pursuit of their dream of a big family, Timur and Inna decided to give a family to a child who dreams of it. Thus, a year and a half after the start of the full-scale war in Ukraine, Marcel appeared in the Miroshnychenko family. The journey was complicated, bureaucratic, and full of difficulties. But having overcome it, Inna and Timur did not even suspect that the most difficult thing was ahead of them. 

“The most difficult thing is adaptation. ДNo matter how much training you have, you cannot be prepared for it. i use the analogy of childbirth. no matter how much you are told what it is like, you can never imagine what it is like until you have experienced it. ТSimilarly, you can never imagine what it is like to adapt a child, depending on their history, what they have been through, how to adapt them to their family.”.

People who are planning to adopt a child should be aware of this. Unfortunately, there are often cases when adoptive parents return a child to an institution. And this traumatises all participants in this process. It is better than diving into the abyss to realise that it is really difficult, but, as Inna says, it is doable. After all, love, a sense of parental responsibility, a sincere desire to support and help - this is what makes miracles happen. And this is what made Timur and Inna decide to adopt again. 

“When we went to study, we immediately wrote down that we wanted to take two children, but after studying, we were allowed to take only one child. We didn't argue or appeal in court, because this decision is not subject to change, as we were told. But we decided that we would take one child and immediately start the journey to the second. It took us almost a year to get to the first one. In June, we took Marcel and in September, we applied to the service again. And in June of the following year, exactly a year later, with a difference of a few days, we took Angelina.”.

The Miroshnychenko family lives in Ukraine, in Kyiv. Their apartment is on the 23rd floor. Just imagine, with no electricity and regular power cuts in Kyiv, a family with four small children, two of whom are unable to walk well due to health issues, has to take the stairs down from the 23rd floor. Having used the lift at the best of times, Inna mentally prays that she won't be stuck there with her four children. When there is no electricity, there is no water in the apartment. Inna jokes that she has developed the super skill of washing two children who have been playing outside all day with a one and a half litre bottle of water. Another bottle is for the other two. And everyone is clean. But all this is nothing compared to the rocket attacks that take place in Kyiv almost every day. 

“It's difficult when the alarm goes off. Very often, it takes a couple of minutes from the alarm to the first explosions, and you have to gather four children and move them to the shelter while they are sleeping. The house is shaking, the windows are shaking, we hear explosions, the children are scared, it's very scary. It's probably hard to understand if you haven't experienced it. It is also difficult to understand how adapted we are to all this. When the anxiety is over, we don't have any post-stress state, we just go back to sleep, because this is our life, absolutely everyday.”.

What does it feel like to live in a country at war and under daily rocket attacks, and to be a mother of four? In fact, it's hard to imagine. And at the end of our conversation, I'm guessing how much love and acceptance you need to cope with all this and be truly happy. And to find happiness in making your own dreams and the dreams of those you love come true, no matter what. 

“Of course, you need to make your dreams come true, and you need to have them, and I dream all the time. This is what makes humans different from animals, that they have aspirations for the future, goals, dreams, desires, we don't just live by reflexes, and no matter what time we live, no matter what thoughts surround us, only a dream keeps us in an adequate state, and especially when a dream comes true, we understand that it can come true. It's like a brick to a brick that moves us on to our personal victory.”.

This is the example that Inna, as a mother, passes on to her children. Now Angelina, who has been in the Miroshnychenko family since the beginning of summer 2024, is learning to dream. Together with her brothers and sister, she is learning to dream about winning, because these are really childish dreams for all children in Ukraine. Parents have to make a lot of effort to ensure that childhood during the war is full of love and comfort, faith in themselves, belief in a better future, and to preserve this priceless ability of children to enjoy the simple joys of life. І For this, it is important to make small, even the strangest dreams come true. Angelina is learning to do this. She is already voicing other answers to the question of what you dream about - pink hair, seeing a monkey, wearing earrings, because now there are those who are ready to make her dreams come true. And even if it's pink hair, mum will find a tint (ed.temporary hair colour) of the required shade. 

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