Portraiture for the sake of life

The beginning 

August. A week before my birthday. Another headache attack that makes my body ache and my thoughts confused, another doctor's note because I have no strength to go to the course. Finally, the doctor gives a referral for an MRI. A friend helps me with the timing, and now I'm lying down, and the machine is buzzing around me and taking pictures of my head, which, as it turned out later, will show a tumour that needs to be operated on immediately. I am fighting for my right to celebrate my possibly last birthday, because my first thought is: «How am I going to receive guests like this? I'll be ugly after the operation». A few days later, he was already in hospital. Tests and preparations, the doctor warns me of possible consequences. There is no fear. A post on Instagram, probably the last one, and the opening of a fundraiser for the drone, because help is always needed. Days in intensive care. I am alive. When I started to move a little, I asked for drawing materials. I intuitively understood what I needed to recover - to accept the new me, the real me. I started taking photos and drawing self-portraits. I painted without any decorations - puffy eyes and face, blurry eyes, dull skin. I looked at myself from different angles and learnt to accept the new me. Drawing not only helped me physically - fine motor skills, movement, concentration - but also helped me recover emotionally and psychologically.

Idea. 

While in rehabilitation, I realised that I could and wanted to help others. I realised that as a person who had experienced events that changed her, turned her life around and inspired her, I had the strength to help others. My idea was to help women find themselves. Many women who fled the war in Ukraine cannot adapt to the new society, cannot find their place, their purpose. They are left alone with their thoughts and begin to dig into themselves. All fears and complexes only get worse, because there are no familiar people, no routine, and most importantly, no permanence, stability and peace. While exploring myself, my body and face, I fell in love with some little things, started to appreciate and accept them. And this is what became the basis of my idea: to teach women to accept themselves through drawing. 

Process. 

The project started at the beginning of the year and lasted for three months. The participants were Ukrainian women who were forced to leave their homes because of the war at home and seek refuge abroad, namely in Stuttgart. The women met twice a week, on Saturdays and Sundays, and spent several hours in a row talking and painting. The wonderful people from the UACS, the DIM community and Anna Bakinovska helped me to implement my idea.  

Different women came to me, of different ages and with different goals. Some came to paint, but realised that it was also a therapy, and some came for the opposite. Of course, I explained some basic things about theory, but I tried not to focus on academic drawing, because the idea was different. I asked the girls to come without any make-up on, if they could afford it, because without any extra colours and decorations, you see the real you. We took selfies right in the studio, without filters or Photoshop, and started painting. My main guideline was that we didn't decorate anything, we didn't remove anything - we took everything as it was. Every detail is important: wrinkles, asymmetry, moles and age spots - all of this makes you you, you just need to learn to see and accept it. These are not flaws, but features.